On one of my sister and I Diannes road trips, I can recall lots of little mericals that taught me at a young age (about 17) about the power of manifestation. We had driven a "drive-a-way-car" from detroit to oregon and after dropping the car off to its owners and we were paid for delivering it we backpacked on to california. A couple of the simple things that happened were my sister, Dianne, after I said i needed some shorts and a cool top for the 110 degrees we were experincing..told me to just ask for it..and it would come. I wanted to believe her, yet, felt kind of silly asking outloud. Those kinds of things embarrass me or i feel shy about stating what I need or feel i need. She said "just do it nancy..it works..you are close to spirit it will listen!" (it went something like that)
So..I said it outloud..(I was, actually, very uncomfortable dragging my heavy suticase why didnt I use a backpack..inexperince I guess)"spirit, please if you can..I could use some shorts and a top and a backpack". About an hour and a half passed and we were going to walk up a hill to find a place to sleep at a campgropund when i saw a blue and white striped something laying in the road. I stopped for a min..I said to my sister.."look..what is that?" She said something jokingly (or maybe not) "I'll bet thats what you asked spirit for" I kind of smiled and set my suitcase down ( I was backpacking with a suitcase!) and walk d over..It was a backpack! I looked around and there was noone on this road in front or behind us. I looked at Dianne and she just looked at me like "well..open it"
It was a backpack with a pair of jean shorts and a AC DC tee shirt..that both fit! I found a restroom..changed..stuffed what I could into it..and left my suitcase and some other belongings for th enext person who might need or ask for them!
The one experince, tho, that really made a huge impression on me was the day before, when we atill had not dropped off the car yet to its owners. It was a litte 280zx..oh i just thought of another story Ill have to write next..Ok so we were driving an dit was about midnight and we were tired. We had a few dollars we got from a sherriff who almost arrested us th eday before for tresspassing on property that was said to be haunted..but thats another story too. it's neat how all these memories are flodding in..I wish my hands could keep up with my thoughts. So Dianne is Driving and we were whinign about how tired we were and had no money for a motel..what shoudl we do? Dianne suggested somethign liek this " Ok nancy..I know..how about you tell me where to drive..use your abilities..follow your feelings..I totally trust you!" I shyly an dinsecurely said somethign like " Nooo..thats silly..I can't do that..I dotn want to waste th egas drivign all around." Dianne said somethign like "come on nancy! Im tired..you know you can do it..just do it..tell me where to drive!"
If it was not for Dianne..I think I never would have learned to trust my feelings liek this..I just love her. But thats another story. So I said "Ok..umm..go straight..keep going straight." So she did.
I looked at the gas gauge and we had about 1/4 a tank ...i wanted to trust my feelings without lettign worry ge tin the way abotu th egas runnign out..soon we approached another exit and somethign told me to "go there" so i said it out loud "Go there"
So she went there. When we got to the top of the totally dark pitch dark exit I said "turn left" I flicke don this tiny light inside the car but i learned it mde it harder to see outside.
There was nothing visable there..I could see in her eyes a kind of "are you sure?" But she trusted me so she did it. I think w emade one more right and we wer eon this dark street about qa block long..with dark store fronts..no markings on most of th ebuildings..it was like..another ghost town.
There was one building when i squinted it looked a sif paintings were on the outside..it was colorful..it felt good so i said, intuitively "THERE"
She said "THERE?"
I said "YES"
We kind of giggled, maybe from nervousness or being over tired or just the fun of trying this out..we walked up and we KNOCKED! WE knocked on a dark door on a dark street in a town I don't remember..but she(Dianne) believed in me so I believed in myself so we knocked. Suddenly the light came on above the door..my heart pounded..this was crazy oh my gosh! A lady peeked out the door..we said something like.."were traveling and have no place to sleep and we felt spirit led us here..so sorry..but..."
And she said "PRAISE THE LORD"
It was a christian half way house or temp shelter for homeless! There was no sign or indication of this on the building..yet we followed our hearts..We were welcomed in..she read things from the bible..and we got to sleep in a bunkbed ina room with a girl who was afraid of the dark so the lights were left on all night..but it was a bed..and jesus helped us and it was warm and..it was a merical..i think! I love these things..I can't wait to write more. Thanks for reading.
Next Giovanni a..free wine and bread..or maybe..how spirit led me up an unmarked road to a sacred indian burial site..I am off to bed..nite
privacy
policy
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Parents Love
continued: California/The Ghost at the Brass Rail Inn
We woke up the next morning to a nice suprise; My friends little white dog had delivered her puppies inside of a fallen redwood tree..we could not see the puppies yet could hear them. It would be a few weeks before they wandered out into the open to explore their new world. I began my mile walk to work in such a happy state of being. New life and new beginnings were on my mind.When I arrived at work to waitress , that morning, i greeted all of the other laides in the kitchen and we began our daily routine and preparing for a busy lunch hour. About 2 and a half hours into my shift, I had totally forgotten about the "vision" I had the day before, and about my visitor and his message to me. Usually, i had spirits or angel type beings offer me these insights so I thought it was a little different that I felt that message come form what Id'e call a ghost or spirit! It made me question the validity, a bit, so I just kept the message in mind and figured if spirit ended up leading me or encouraging me to walk up to a certain couple..then I would. Another waitress, was going in break and had asked me to take her tables while she had a quick 15 minute break. We were not busy at all that day, so I agreed and told her i would still give her the tip.I left the kitchen to walk out into the dining/ bar area and noticed a couple sat in the small table near the window. I went back to get them water and menus and when I returned they were leaning in towards eachother and holding hands while they talked. I thought..ok..maybe this is the couple..yet I will wait for more guidance or see how things feel in a few more miunutes. I wanted to be really sure this might be the couple I had heard about the day before. After all..it was a taking a chance approaching customers saying such things and what if they told my boss i was crazy ..all kinds of thoughts went thru my head, yet, all in all, any time I felt spirit was directing or encouraging me to offer insight or words of comfort..I ended up nto being able to ignore it and letting spirit move thru me while trusting the outcome woudl be worth it all! Sometimes, when these things began unfolding, I wished I could be more like others and just go about my day without these nudges that constantly challenged my safe illusion/reality.
I walked up to the table and the couple contunied to hold hands as they looked up at me as I approached. It looked as if they were holding onto each others hands for dear life. I sensed the trauma/worry/emotions surrounding them. I can drag this on and explain how I waited until they ordered desert and all of the other little things i noticed and felt, yet, I wont. Finially, when the other waitress delayed coming back from her break by taking a phone call from her husband..I realized I would be seeing this couple until the end of their visit and I felt spirit was encouraging me to say something to them. As i write this..I realize hwo strange all this seems and wonder how many people will judge me or think i am odd, yet, oh well! I am who I am and true to myself, at least! I decided to just break the ice a bit and say something from my heart. I walked up and said.." you can see how much you two love eachother, that is always so nice to see..I just thought i would share that..it reminds me of the love my parents have for eachother" and I smiled and aksed them if theyd'e like more coffee.
The woman said something like "It is nice to hear a young person noticing that..I wish my daughter would" as she looked at the man she was with and then put her head down. It was just at that moment I really knew this was the couple I had heard about the day before. I just smiled and my adrenaline began pumping..I guess some people would call it fear, yet, I think it is more adrenalin OR excitment because you know you are geting close to doing something that was a litle risky or uncomfortable..tyet that was a challenge for me ..i liked challenge..especially when it came to challenging my own relationship with spirit..or strengthening it! Maybe honoring it is the word.When i walked up to the table a few minutes later I took a deep breath and said something like.."you meantioned a daughter? well..I am sorry for just coming out and saying this in this way, yet, I pray alot, and,. last night, after praying about somethign I had experienced, I felt I would meet a couple who was experiencing turmoil or pain regarding a decision they had to make surrounding their daughter..I felt I was being led to encourage them that..they were doing the right thing..they had chosen unconditional love ..and their daughter would make it through this..another 4 months and the family would be in tact. They looked at me wide eyed and I did not know whether to expect them to say "how dare you" or "who are you to say this to us?"...
Well thank you spirit..I say becauset hey both took turns explaining that their daughter had ran away, gotten into drugs..and dissapeared for some time, yet, they located her and since this was the third time it had happend the had decided to put her in a special treatment program down south..because they feared she would only spiral downward if they hadn't. It just made them feel good to hear that spirit had felt their need to know if what they did was "right" or "ok". Abotu 6 mos later..they left me a note thanking me for offering them , or allowing spirt to offer them a little hope during their time of pain..they didn't know my name but wrote "to the sweet waitress with green eyes and long brown hair"..I was the only one with long brown hair. My life seems so meaningless without reaching out to others..I feel that is why I am here.
privacy
policy
We woke up the next morning to a nice suprise; My friends little white dog had delivered her puppies inside of a fallen redwood tree..we could not see the puppies yet could hear them. It would be a few weeks before they wandered out into the open to explore their new world. I began my mile walk to work in such a happy state of being. New life and new beginnings were on my mind.When I arrived at work to waitress , that morning, i greeted all of the other laides in the kitchen and we began our daily routine and preparing for a busy lunch hour. About 2 and a half hours into my shift, I had totally forgotten about the "vision" I had the day before, and about my visitor and his message to me. Usually, i had spirits or angel type beings offer me these insights so I thought it was a little different that I felt that message come form what Id'e call a ghost or spirit! It made me question the validity, a bit, so I just kept the message in mind and figured if spirit ended up leading me or encouraging me to walk up to a certain couple..then I would. Another waitress, was going in break and had asked me to take her tables while she had a quick 15 minute break. We were not busy at all that day, so I agreed and told her i would still give her the tip.I left the kitchen to walk out into the dining/ bar area and noticed a couple sat in the small table near the window. I went back to get them water and menus and when I returned they were leaning in towards eachother and holding hands while they talked. I thought..ok..maybe this is the couple..yet I will wait for more guidance or see how things feel in a few more miunutes. I wanted to be really sure this might be the couple I had heard about the day before. After all..it was a taking a chance approaching customers saying such things and what if they told my boss i was crazy ..all kinds of thoughts went thru my head, yet, all in all, any time I felt spirit was directing or encouraging me to offer insight or words of comfort..I ended up nto being able to ignore it and letting spirit move thru me while trusting the outcome woudl be worth it all! Sometimes, when these things began unfolding, I wished I could be more like others and just go about my day without these nudges that constantly challenged my safe illusion/reality.
I walked up to the table and the couple contunied to hold hands as they looked up at me as I approached. It looked as if they were holding onto each others hands for dear life. I sensed the trauma/worry/emotions surrounding them. I can drag this on and explain how I waited until they ordered desert and all of the other little things i noticed and felt, yet, I wont. Finially, when the other waitress delayed coming back from her break by taking a phone call from her husband..I realized I would be seeing this couple until the end of their visit and I felt spirit was encouraging me to say something to them. As i write this..I realize hwo strange all this seems and wonder how many people will judge me or think i am odd, yet, oh well! I am who I am and true to myself, at least! I decided to just break the ice a bit and say something from my heart. I walked up and said.." you can see how much you two love eachother, that is always so nice to see..I just thought i would share that..it reminds me of the love my parents have for eachother" and I smiled and aksed them if theyd'e like more coffee.
The woman said something like "It is nice to hear a young person noticing that..I wish my daughter would" as she looked at the man she was with and then put her head down. It was just at that moment I really knew this was the couple I had heard about the day before. I just smiled and my adrenaline began pumping..I guess some people would call it fear, yet, I think it is more adrenalin OR excitment because you know you are geting close to doing something that was a litle risky or uncomfortable..tyet that was a challenge for me ..i liked challenge..especially when it came to challenging my own relationship with spirit..or strengthening it! Maybe honoring it is the word.When i walked up to the table a few minutes later I took a deep breath and said something like.."you meantioned a daughter? well..I am sorry for just coming out and saying this in this way, yet, I pray alot, and,. last night, after praying about somethign I had experienced, I felt I would meet a couple who was experiencing turmoil or pain regarding a decision they had to make surrounding their daughter..I felt I was being led to encourage them that..they were doing the right thing..they had chosen unconditional love ..and their daughter would make it through this..another 4 months and the family would be in tact. They looked at me wide eyed and I did not know whether to expect them to say "how dare you" or "who are you to say this to us?"...
Well thank you spirit..I say becauset hey both took turns explaining that their daughter had ran away, gotten into drugs..and dissapeared for some time, yet, they located her and since this was the third time it had happend the had decided to put her in a special treatment program down south..because they feared she would only spiral downward if they hadn't. It just made them feel good to hear that spirit had felt their need to know if what they did was "right" or "ok". Abotu 6 mos later..they left me a note thanking me for offering them , or allowing spirt to offer them a little hope during their time of pain..they didn't know my name but wrote "to the sweet waitress with green eyes and long brown hair"..I was the only one with long brown hair. My life seems so meaningless without reaching out to others..I feel that is why I am here.
privacy
policy
River Spirit
Remember that river I camped out on, in Northern California? Well, I ended up marrying a wonderful guy and we opened a little homeless shelter within the small cabin he had agreed to caretake, along the river. It was, for me, a faireytale setting; A little walk back to a secret waterfall where we would sit and talk for hours and sip a bit of wine. We would climb down to the cool fresh water when it became hot and then lay in the sun with the redwood trees towering along the shore. He built a tiny church by hand as I watched in amazement. His creative energy and vision amazes me and impresses me, till this day. Word got around town that there was a young couple who lived in a cabin on the river whom took in homless or people wandering through town into their space. We had backpackers from france, germany and many other places stop in for a day or two to take a shower..sing around the bon fires, swim and just take a break from the road. We had others who pulled up a trailer, whole families, and parked and lived for months at a time. We had a few people who stayed on for months in tents. We had a few sufferign from emotional illness one in paticular named Mary who in a scitsofrenic episode, tied all of our doors an dwindows shuit form inside, afraid we were her enemies..that is a whole other story. We asked nothing in return. We were young, the only two working, had taken guardianship of two young children 11 and 14 because the parents were divorcing, and somehow, managed to feed everyone and keep up with the utility costs. It was a merical in itself! Maybe in our own little way we were out to change the world.
There are so many wonderful stories I could tell that unfolded during this time, yet, I will stick to a simple one that came about at the restaraunt-hotel i was employed by a mile up the road. The Brass rail Inn was an older home made into a restaraunt/bar/motel. I worked in all areas of the place, yet, some of my most interestign experinces happned when I was alone in the bar area, after hours, all by myself. (latrer after revealing my experinces I found out that there was a "ghost" they called sam who would move things around and pull little pranks and was harmless but noone told me this until months later! Since my husband was a minister they thought I would think such talk about ghosts and such was evil so noone bothered to tell me..if only they knew the truth)I am used to seeing and hearign things, by now, as it has happend as young as I can remember! One night, in paticular, I had been asked to set the party room up for a gathering the next day which involved vacuuming, setting out new table cloths and silverware and just making it look neat and clean for the city council meeting. I went into the back closet and drug out the old kirby vac..and began my duties. I began vacumming. I hate when this happens, you plug the thing in and there is not enough line to reach nor a plug nearby so you have to continue to walk back over an plug the vacuum in again over and over. The strange thing was there was plenty of line, the cord was not heavy, the plug was in tight and I could find no reason why the cord would become unplugged and laid neatly a few feet AWAY from the wall socket. it takes alot to make me mad or impatient..so I finally, after replugging the thing in more than 15 times decided nevermind with this!.i will just sweep the rug! I unplugged the vac as i pulled the plug out a little mad with some force and said forget you..ill just do it the hard way. As soon as I did this and walked away from the bar and over to the area to sweep..the vacumme shut on and off three times AND IT WAS NOT PLUGGED IN!!! I kid you not..I kid you not!
Just at that moment, it occured to me that one of these excperiences was unfolding again. I sat down and thought oh man..again? And just breathed and knew I had to prepare for some sort of energy exchange or experience..I could feel it happening. So i got up and just stood and stared at the bar area where the vacumme was sitting unplugged. Suddenly I saw a figure of a man. He struck me as being..irish..with a top hat and not a long coat..just about above his thighs. He had abeard and his energy was actually..pleasant..kind..playful. I instinctively said "so..ok..WHAT?..what is it?" It seemd he faded in and out..sometimes he was just this bright light and then it would kind of meld into a figure of this man..in my minds eye. I asked again "what is it, can I do something for you?" I did not exactly hear words. I sensed what he was saying and it was something like this: "A middle aged couple will come in tomorrow and sit by the window away from others..they will be holding hands and look a bit stressed. They are worried about their daughter who has gotten into drugs and in with the wrong crowd. They need to hear that they made the right decision...and that unconditional love will pull their daughter through on this one'"Here it was again..that familiar..oh boy..ok..another task..as soon as i acknowledged this man and what he said..I somehow know the vacuume would give me no more troubles and I could continue my work. I plugged it back in..looked around..everything seemed pretty back to normal..I finished my work and walked home reflecting on how this would unfold and the part I would play the next day.( I will finish this tonight or tomorrow 7-15-2008) I have free readings today and want to get things ready.
privacy
policy
There are so many wonderful stories I could tell that unfolded during this time, yet, I will stick to a simple one that came about at the restaraunt-hotel i was employed by a mile up the road. The Brass rail Inn was an older home made into a restaraunt/bar/motel. I worked in all areas of the place, yet, some of my most interestign experinces happned when I was alone in the bar area, after hours, all by myself. (latrer after revealing my experinces I found out that there was a "ghost" they called sam who would move things around and pull little pranks and was harmless but noone told me this until months later! Since my husband was a minister they thought I would think such talk about ghosts and such was evil so noone bothered to tell me..if only they knew the truth)I am used to seeing and hearign things, by now, as it has happend as young as I can remember! One night, in paticular, I had been asked to set the party room up for a gathering the next day which involved vacuuming, setting out new table cloths and silverware and just making it look neat and clean for the city council meeting. I went into the back closet and drug out the old kirby vac..and began my duties. I began vacumming. I hate when this happens, you plug the thing in and there is not enough line to reach nor a plug nearby so you have to continue to walk back over an plug the vacuum in again over and over. The strange thing was there was plenty of line, the cord was not heavy, the plug was in tight and I could find no reason why the cord would become unplugged and laid neatly a few feet AWAY from the wall socket. it takes alot to make me mad or impatient..so I finally, after replugging the thing in more than 15 times decided nevermind with this!.i will just sweep the rug! I unplugged the vac as i pulled the plug out a little mad with some force and said forget you..ill just do it the hard way. As soon as I did this and walked away from the bar and over to the area to sweep..the vacumme shut on and off three times AND IT WAS NOT PLUGGED IN!!! I kid you not..I kid you not!
Just at that moment, it occured to me that one of these excperiences was unfolding again. I sat down and thought oh man..again? And just breathed and knew I had to prepare for some sort of energy exchange or experience..I could feel it happening. So i got up and just stood and stared at the bar area where the vacumme was sitting unplugged. Suddenly I saw a figure of a man. He struck me as being..irish..with a top hat and not a long coat..just about above his thighs. He had abeard and his energy was actually..pleasant..kind..playful. I instinctively said "so..ok..WHAT?..what is it?" It seemd he faded in and out..sometimes he was just this bright light and then it would kind of meld into a figure of this man..in my minds eye. I asked again "what is it, can I do something for you?" I did not exactly hear words. I sensed what he was saying and it was something like this: "A middle aged couple will come in tomorrow and sit by the window away from others..they will be holding hands and look a bit stressed. They are worried about their daughter who has gotten into drugs and in with the wrong crowd. They need to hear that they made the right decision...and that unconditional love will pull their daughter through on this one'"Here it was again..that familiar..oh boy..ok..another task..as soon as i acknowledged this man and what he said..I somehow know the vacuume would give me no more troubles and I could continue my work. I plugged it back in..looked around..everything seemed pretty back to normal..I finished my work and walked home reflecting on how this would unfold and the part I would play the next day.( I will finish this tonight or tomorrow 7-15-2008) I have free readings today and want to get things ready.
privacy
policy
Nebraska/The Angel in the discount store
I am posting this before i proofread it and fix the typos..it is just my way..get the message out before i forget it and fix it later :)
This was a time in my life when I was walking through my own drama, as, my first husband had said in so many words he saw me , only, as a friend and felt I was a sister, more than anything else. This was a day that led to one of the hardest walks of my life; stuggling to raise a little guy and maintain my sanity and peace of mind while being a stable parent. I had left the married dorms, quickly, driving around crying and did not notice i had been speeding down this lonely road of endless corfields. As I looked through my rear view mirror I saw the flashing lights that brought me back into reality and suddenly found myself face to face with the highway patroll. I rolled down the window and was embarrassed as the tears rolled down my face as I was just handed the emotional blow of a lifetime. I explained I knew I was speeding, now, and just simply had not been paying attention as my husband just delivered the news he was no longer : "in love with me".
privacy
policy
The officer was kind enough to tell me to go on my way and just slow down, that he had experienced something similar in his life. What a blessing that was! I look for the blessings, even, through the hardest times. I feel this is one key to maintaining a flow of good energy in ones life when we need it the most. I decided to drive back towards town and just walk around, somewhere, until i calmed down..I put my sunglassses on to hide my red eyes and turned around to drive back towards the tiny town in Nebraska. My thoughts shot to my husband..I really had thought this man was it; He is the most perfect wonderful man ..ministered in a little church in northern california where we had opened our little place to the homeless...I never thought he would not see us as family..I never thought my life would be without him..I was stunned and shocked and, again, my life had changed forever. As I wandered down the tiny outside mall I suddenly heard a voice "see the angel in dollar shop". I thought to myself..Oh boy, not again, not now, please.. Then I heard it again "see the angel in the dollar shop". Ok..here it was..I was going thu the most horrible time in my life. I was numb.. i felt lost, and spirit was asking me to go look for an angel in the dollar shop. Was I losing my mind? ahhh!I slowly proceeded to walk down the block looking for something similar to a dollar shop and found it. I saw the back of a woman facing the window as she stood behind the counter. I looked back to scan all of the shops down the row to make sure this one fit the description and i concluded the "family dollar store" was the one I was being asked to walk into. I had no idea what I was supposed to do when I went inside, so I just walked around the store for about 30 minutes..up an down the aisles..waiting to fully understand why I had been led there. Once every few minutes I looked up at the woman who was behind the counter. She never lifted her head. She seemed to be looking down at something in a journal or book, ad totally emmersed in it. From what I could see and sense she looked and felt sad. After a few times of wanting to leave, yet, feeling I had to stay..I looked up at her again and saw a beautiful light behind her. It was not coming from outside as it was a cloudly overcast day. I sighed as I began thinking of my husband and how i saw those very things around him at one time and began to be sucked into my emotonal trumoil when somethign said again "see the angel at the dollar shop". I just wanted to be left alone..I wanted to be angry..scared..lost..I wanted to run and hide and here I was being nudged by spirit to reach out to someone else..what timing. There must be a reason for it. Suddenlly as i resolved to making this a mission for spirit..I heard.. 'Please tell her i am with her..tell her I am her angel..tell mom I love her and not to be sad..please" I looked around the whole store. There was noone..the store was empty, every person had left besides the sad looking woman behind the counter. So now, at least, I know who I was supposed to deliver a message to. Now another 20 minutes working up the energy and courage.
Finially I took my 3 items up to the counter. Bubbles for my son, some crayons and some socks. I began taking them out of the hadnheld basket slowly and suddenly a made a big sigh and looked up to force a smile at the sad lady. Our eyes met. There we both stood with red, wet eyes, both made a big sigh..both looked as if we had been through battle somehow, emotonally. I said "Hi" in my soft voice as I looked into her eyes. She said "hi, how is your day so far" . I said.."well..ok..it's ok..I just..umm..I know this sounds strange, yet, I have to tell you something about a little angel i saw..a little angel i heard was here in this store." Her eyes opened wide and I expected her to say.."your'e crazy..please leave" After all, this was a very small straight laced town..the people seemed tight, and maybe a bit on the conservitive side, as compared to some of the other places I lived around the states. She said "really..please..please do tell me!" I was a little shocked at her acceptance or receptiveness of what I just delivered..I had not expected such an open invitation. I looked around and the store was still empty..Ok i took a deep breath and said something like this: " Well..I was driving around and crying because my husband just told me he no longer loved me and the police stopped me and I had a vision and heard there was an angel in this shop and I was supposed ot come tell you". Before I went on I looked at her as i bit my lip..almost for approval to go on.. She said.."please what else?".. I went on to say something like " Well..gosh this is hard..I don't want you to think i am crazy, yet, I heard a young girl tell me to tell you that she is your angel..she is with you..she loves you..she is here now..I see her behind you...she said tell my mom not to be sad..to keep writing..I love her and I am always with her." I put my head down not knowing how she would respond as she fiddled with a journal she had on the counter. Suddenly she said "you are my angel!" I looked up and said..well..I feel there is an angel with you..but..Then she just began pouring out a story about How her and her twin daughters had gotten a flat tire on a highway, not far from here, and pulled over on a bridge.
They had gotten out to look at the damage . As her and her twin 17 year old ( or there abouts) daughters walked to the front of the car as semi truck came out of nowhere..and hit the car..One of the twin girls was taken along withthe car and killed instanly as he rmom and sister watched in horror. This had happened about 8 mos earlier and ths poor woman was just drowning in greif..she did nto want to go on..she felt it wa her fault..she should have never gotten out fo the car..or had her daughters do so..I heard just that instant and said it out loud to her " No mom..if we would have stayed in teh car we would have all been killed". It shocked me when it came out of my mouth and suddenly I saw the reaction of the woman in front of me..her face relaxed..she began crying..I began crying..she came around the counter and we hugged..and cried..and thanked eachother...for listening..for talking..for..whatever..She told me she had been reading her daughters journal and had been praying for an angel to come give her a sign that her daughter was with her.. That day..in all my pain and personal tragedy, I was someones angel! I was someones angel... She thanked me. We hugged again, blessed eachother and i quickly got into my car and drove away. Even though the next few years would be the hardest years of my life..and I knew that somehow..I also knew, that my life still had a purpose..not only to be the best mommy I could be and to appreciate every moment with my son, yet, to always listen to spirit..in time of tragedy..in times of lost hope..in times of being on the verge of a nervous breakdown..spirit is alive and always offering opprtunities for us to be..someones angel. What gift. I think I will make it after all.
Coming soon: California/The Ghost at the Brass Rail Inn
This was a time in my life when I was walking through my own drama, as, my first husband had said in so many words he saw me , only, as a friend and felt I was a sister, more than anything else. This was a day that led to one of the hardest walks of my life; stuggling to raise a little guy and maintain my sanity and peace of mind while being a stable parent. I had left the married dorms, quickly, driving around crying and did not notice i had been speeding down this lonely road of endless corfields. As I looked through my rear view mirror I saw the flashing lights that brought me back into reality and suddenly found myself face to face with the highway patroll. I rolled down the window and was embarrassed as the tears rolled down my face as I was just handed the emotional blow of a lifetime. I explained I knew I was speeding, now, and just simply had not been paying attention as my husband just delivered the news he was no longer : "in love with me".
privacy
policy
The officer was kind enough to tell me to go on my way and just slow down, that he had experienced something similar in his life. What a blessing that was! I look for the blessings, even, through the hardest times. I feel this is one key to maintaining a flow of good energy in ones life when we need it the most. I decided to drive back towards town and just walk around, somewhere, until i calmed down..I put my sunglassses on to hide my red eyes and turned around to drive back towards the tiny town in Nebraska. My thoughts shot to my husband..I really had thought this man was it; He is the most perfect wonderful man ..ministered in a little church in northern california where we had opened our little place to the homeless...I never thought he would not see us as family..I never thought my life would be without him..I was stunned and shocked and, again, my life had changed forever. As I wandered down the tiny outside mall I suddenly heard a voice "see the angel in dollar shop". I thought to myself..Oh boy, not again, not now, please.. Then I heard it again "see the angel in the dollar shop". Ok..here it was..I was going thu the most horrible time in my life. I was numb.. i felt lost, and spirit was asking me to go look for an angel in the dollar shop. Was I losing my mind? ahhh!I slowly proceeded to walk down the block looking for something similar to a dollar shop and found it. I saw the back of a woman facing the window as she stood behind the counter. I looked back to scan all of the shops down the row to make sure this one fit the description and i concluded the "family dollar store" was the one I was being asked to walk into. I had no idea what I was supposed to do when I went inside, so I just walked around the store for about 30 minutes..up an down the aisles..waiting to fully understand why I had been led there. Once every few minutes I looked up at the woman who was behind the counter. She never lifted her head. She seemed to be looking down at something in a journal or book, ad totally emmersed in it. From what I could see and sense she looked and felt sad. After a few times of wanting to leave, yet, feeling I had to stay..I looked up at her again and saw a beautiful light behind her. It was not coming from outside as it was a cloudly overcast day. I sighed as I began thinking of my husband and how i saw those very things around him at one time and began to be sucked into my emotonal trumoil when somethign said again "see the angel at the dollar shop". I just wanted to be left alone..I wanted to be angry..scared..lost..I wanted to run and hide and here I was being nudged by spirit to reach out to someone else..what timing. There must be a reason for it. Suddenlly as i resolved to making this a mission for spirit..I heard.. 'Please tell her i am with her..tell her I am her angel..tell mom I love her and not to be sad..please" I looked around the whole store. There was noone..the store was empty, every person had left besides the sad looking woman behind the counter. So now, at least, I know who I was supposed to deliver a message to. Now another 20 minutes working up the energy and courage.
Finially I took my 3 items up to the counter. Bubbles for my son, some crayons and some socks. I began taking them out of the hadnheld basket slowly and suddenly a made a big sigh and looked up to force a smile at the sad lady. Our eyes met. There we both stood with red, wet eyes, both made a big sigh..both looked as if we had been through battle somehow, emotonally. I said "Hi" in my soft voice as I looked into her eyes. She said "hi, how is your day so far" . I said.."well..ok..it's ok..I just..umm..I know this sounds strange, yet, I have to tell you something about a little angel i saw..a little angel i heard was here in this store." Her eyes opened wide and I expected her to say.."your'e crazy..please leave" After all, this was a very small straight laced town..the people seemed tight, and maybe a bit on the conservitive side, as compared to some of the other places I lived around the states. She said "really..please..please do tell me!" I was a little shocked at her acceptance or receptiveness of what I just delivered..I had not expected such an open invitation. I looked around and the store was still empty..Ok i took a deep breath and said something like this: " Well..I was driving around and crying because my husband just told me he no longer loved me and the police stopped me and I had a vision and heard there was an angel in this shop and I was supposed ot come tell you". Before I went on I looked at her as i bit my lip..almost for approval to go on.. She said.."please what else?".. I went on to say something like " Well..gosh this is hard..I don't want you to think i am crazy, yet, I heard a young girl tell me to tell you that she is your angel..she is with you..she loves you..she is here now..I see her behind you...she said tell my mom not to be sad..to keep writing..I love her and I am always with her." I put my head down not knowing how she would respond as she fiddled with a journal she had on the counter. Suddenly she said "you are my angel!" I looked up and said..well..I feel there is an angel with you..but..Then she just began pouring out a story about How her and her twin daughters had gotten a flat tire on a highway, not far from here, and pulled over on a bridge.
They had gotten out to look at the damage . As her and her twin 17 year old ( or there abouts) daughters walked to the front of the car as semi truck came out of nowhere..and hit the car..One of the twin girls was taken along withthe car and killed instanly as he rmom and sister watched in horror. This had happened about 8 mos earlier and ths poor woman was just drowning in greif..she did nto want to go on..she felt it wa her fault..she should have never gotten out fo the car..or had her daughters do so..I heard just that instant and said it out loud to her " No mom..if we would have stayed in teh car we would have all been killed". It shocked me when it came out of my mouth and suddenly I saw the reaction of the woman in front of me..her face relaxed..she began crying..I began crying..she came around the counter and we hugged..and cried..and thanked eachother...for listening..for talking..for..whatever..She told me she had been reading her daughters journal and had been praying for an angel to come give her a sign that her daughter was with her.. That day..in all my pain and personal tragedy, I was someones angel! I was someones angel... She thanked me. We hugged again, blessed eachother and i quickly got into my car and drove away. Even though the next few years would be the hardest years of my life..and I knew that somehow..I also knew, that my life still had a purpose..not only to be the best mommy I could be and to appreciate every moment with my son, yet, to always listen to spirit..in time of tragedy..in times of lost hope..in times of being on the verge of a nervous breakdown..spirit is alive and always offering opprtunities for us to be..someones angel. What gift. I think I will make it after all.
Coming soon: California/The Ghost at the Brass Rail Inn
6-12-08 California/Angels in the redwoods
I wish my thoughts were organized enough to present these stories in an organized manner, beginnning from those experienced at a young age, until the present. At this moment, in my life, it works well to just share the memories one by one as they come to me, in no specific order.
This is a time in my life, when I was living on a river in Northern California as part of a summer backpacking adventure. The year was 1981. My only belongings were a small pack, 2 changes of clothes and a sleeping bag. Most of my meals consisted of berries, apples and plums I picked locally. I, also, exchanged work in garden for fresh eggs and strawberries and I and my compainions would cook them over the fire. It was a magical time in my life, living day to day, simply being in the moment and , really, listening to spirit and making the simplest decisions regarding where to sleep or where to walk by what I felt spirit was saying to me.
One hot summer day while some companions and I were climbing and jumping off of cliffs along the river something caught my eye. I looked up and saw a young man in all white walking down the hill across the river with 5 white dogs following behind him. It was a sight to behold a beautiful vision, I thought.
We ended up talking and becoming friends. Over the weeks he invited my freinds and I a place to stay at his cabin up the hill. The cabin was built in the 1920's and was surrounded by towering redwoods. It was truely one of the most magical places I had ever experienced. Somehow, I knew that from the beginning of my trip listening to spirit, each step along the way,had led me to this magical place.
A few days after we had been invited to camp on my new freinds property, I was standing out under one of the most magificant redwood trees which had a tree house built into it and as I was looking up wondering if Iwould take a chance at climbing the makeshift ladder, I suddenly saw 3 white glowing beings! I was shocked at first yet the light moved through me and about me in a way that made me feel as if i was floating a few feet off of the ground! In just an instant, I rememebred these were the very beings I would "talk" with as achild and even rememebred them being with me as i laid in my crib at 2 years old, or even younger! I immediately, recognized them as my spirit family, or my guides, as I like to call them now. I received this message; "tell your new friend he made the right choice, tell him we see he has struggled with trying to bring both worlds together and as they clashed, he made the right choice regarding his chosen path and he will be blessed because of this". As suddenly as I was engulfed in light and softness..i was back on the dirt, barefeet on the ground and the shaded darkness of the forest surrounded me. Was this a test? I had never been asked to approach anyone and deliver a message, in this way. I had never received such information to deliver or share with another person; the messages had always pertained to decisions I was making in my own life. What do I do with this information? I had not known this person for more than a few days..would he think Iwas crazy? Was Icrazy? Would he say how dare I assume he would even consider accepting such a message ? I felt a sense of anxiety and what I felt was fear, yet, something wispered to me"this is not fear it is adrenaline because you KNOW this is a little pecie of truth and you have been asked to share it and to trust us..to trust your connection with us." I did not realize that once I trusted my guides and offered this information to my freind, that it opened the door to this becoming a constant experience in my life. I believe spirit works in this way that, once we acknowlwdge we trust and believe our connection, we open the door to allowing ourselves to be used as tools or vessels to deliver messages, light, love..
I slowly walked up the stairs to the cabin each step delayed..hesitating with each movement, almost, as if i was carrying spirit within me and wanted to walk gently and carefully as I carried this light, or package of energy..energy and message within me to share with my freind. So i did. I walked in and said, firstly, "I am sorry, I know this may seem strange and you may think I am crazy, yet, i feel i HAVE to share with you something I heard from my guides/angels and then I will leave, and never come back if you like, yet, I have to say these things". So I told him exactly what spirit had said to me. He became tearful and said it was exactly what he needed to hear. He had been participating in a certian lifestyle that he just had decided to leave behind and turn his life over to Jesus and was looking for confirmation just in that moment when I walked in the door. And so it began! I was learning to listen, once again, as I did as a child, and my life, and in that moment , my life was transformed and would never be the same!
privacy
policy
I wish my thoughts were organized enough to present these stories in an organized manner, beginnning from those experienced at a young age, until the present. At this moment, in my life, it works well to just share the memories one by one as they come to me, in no specific order.
This is a time in my life, when I was living on a river in Northern California as part of a summer backpacking adventure. The year was 1981. My only belongings were a small pack, 2 changes of clothes and a sleeping bag. Most of my meals consisted of berries, apples and plums I picked locally. I, also, exchanged work in garden for fresh eggs and strawberries and I and my compainions would cook them over the fire. It was a magical time in my life, living day to day, simply being in the moment and , really, listening to spirit and making the simplest decisions regarding where to sleep or where to walk by what I felt spirit was saying to me.
One hot summer day while some companions and I were climbing and jumping off of cliffs along the river something caught my eye. I looked up and saw a young man in all white walking down the hill across the river with 5 white dogs following behind him. It was a sight to behold a beautiful vision, I thought.
We ended up talking and becoming friends. Over the weeks he invited my freinds and I a place to stay at his cabin up the hill. The cabin was built in the 1920's and was surrounded by towering redwoods. It was truely one of the most magical places I had ever experienced. Somehow, I knew that from the beginning of my trip listening to spirit, each step along the way,had led me to this magical place.
A few days after we had been invited to camp on my new freinds property, I was standing out under one of the most magificant redwood trees which had a tree house built into it and as I was looking up wondering if Iwould take a chance at climbing the makeshift ladder, I suddenly saw 3 white glowing beings! I was shocked at first yet the light moved through me and about me in a way that made me feel as if i was floating a few feet off of the ground! In just an instant, I rememebred these were the very beings I would "talk" with as achild and even rememebred them being with me as i laid in my crib at 2 years old, or even younger! I immediately, recognized them as my spirit family, or my guides, as I like to call them now. I received this message; "tell your new friend he made the right choice, tell him we see he has struggled with trying to bring both worlds together and as they clashed, he made the right choice regarding his chosen path and he will be blessed because of this". As suddenly as I was engulfed in light and softness..i was back on the dirt, barefeet on the ground and the shaded darkness of the forest surrounded me. Was this a test? I had never been asked to approach anyone and deliver a message, in this way. I had never received such information to deliver or share with another person; the messages had always pertained to decisions I was making in my own life. What do I do with this information? I had not known this person for more than a few days..would he think Iwas crazy? Was Icrazy? Would he say how dare I assume he would even consider accepting such a message ? I felt a sense of anxiety and what I felt was fear, yet, something wispered to me"this is not fear it is adrenaline because you KNOW this is a little pecie of truth and you have been asked to share it and to trust us..to trust your connection with us." I did not realize that once I trusted my guides and offered this information to my freind, that it opened the door to this becoming a constant experience in my life. I believe spirit works in this way that, once we acknowlwdge we trust and believe our connection, we open the door to allowing ourselves to be used as tools or vessels to deliver messages, light, love..
I slowly walked up the stairs to the cabin each step delayed..hesitating with each movement, almost, as if i was carrying spirit within me and wanted to walk gently and carefully as I carried this light, or package of energy..energy and message within me to share with my freind. So i did. I walked in and said, firstly, "I am sorry, I know this may seem strange and you may think I am crazy, yet, i feel i HAVE to share with you something I heard from my guides/angels and then I will leave, and never come back if you like, yet, I have to say these things". So I told him exactly what spirit had said to me. He became tearful and said it was exactly what he needed to hear. He had been participating in a certian lifestyle that he just had decided to leave behind and turn his life over to Jesus and was looking for confirmation just in that moment when I walked in the door. And so it began! I was learning to listen, once again, as I did as a child, and my life, and in that moment , my life was transformed and would never be the same!
privacy
policy
My Mama's Journey Home
I, really, do not have the patience to write and spell check , so I have avoided sharing many of the stories and experiences I have had , in my psychic life. Recently, I found it was really fun and enjoyable for myself and others to share tales of how I heard spirit throughout my life whisper to me, or even shout loudly, to approach a certain person to deliver a gentle message, an inspiration, an insight or even a word of encouragement. Throughout my life, I sometimes avoided the encouragement from spirit because of my shy nature, yet, there were plenty of times I have approached complete strangers to deliver these very things; "messages from spirit" and they always ended up beign life transforming for me and, never, something the complete stranger was upset by and always seemed to appreciate and be touched by my doing so. I decided I want to go back into my life; times i spent living out on the road, to times I worked a 9-5 job in a structured health department environment and share the levels and layers of little mericals (what I consider them as I am honored to have spirit use me to touch others). I will add a new story whenever I have the patience to type and sit and type and sit and spell check. My first story will be added on Saturday, July11. I hope to see you then. Following spirits guidance may be one of the scariest or most challenging things to follow through on, yet, it always proves rewarding and life altering! I want to work out a way you can share your experiences or comment on mine..I will do that soon!
7-10-08 Moms journey home
Well, this is not, really, one of those paticular experinces about following spirits direction, yet, I wanted to share one of the most challenging and emotional experiences in my life. Sometimes, sharing these life altering experinces can offer comfort and inspiration to other moving through a similar experince.
Shirleys journey home The passing of my mama
How thankful I feel that I was able to be with my mom when she left her body and began her sacred journey home!
All of my siblings made the trip possible in one way or another and I will be eternally grateful!
My daughter Nicole and I were able to travel, almost, 3000 miles to be with Mom a few weeks back.
The night before she crossed over I had some time alone with her , in her hospital room. This was precious time I feel so blessed to have. I was able to do and say things to her and somehow..I knew she was aware, even though the doctors stated she was brain dead and was not aware. I felt my father in the room and let her know I did...I rubbed her shoulders and said to her " I know how much you miss dads backrubs so I am going to rub your shoulders...how does that feel mom?" Even though her mouth hung open and her eyes remained shut..she took 2 big deep sighs (twice)and i felt her body relax even more. I did a couple of silly things that I knew would make her laugh..if she could laugh! I had some warm comfort tea which I like to use in a hot tub. it is very soothing to my skin. I gently rubbed a little on her head and arms and told her this special tea had been blessed by the flower fairies..I know she would have loved me saying that because of her love for flower fairies. I gave her a little mowhawk and said : "haha you have a mohawk" ...lol..then i fixed it back..but I know she loved to laugh and just had to do something silly. We enjoyed the silly times we had together.Then I went through times of my life i remember that she had great impacts on me...she taught me how to love and forgive other children that were being mean..I will always remember that. I thanked her for many things. I held her hands and kissed her face and hands all over..I let her know that if any of us could do anything we would..and I was sorry..and we all were..if she was uncomfortable at all..Ann, my neice, showed me, the day before, how to moisten her mouth without making her choke..so i did that., I also cleaned all of the crusties out of her eyes the way she did for me when i was little. I was glad I did that because she opened her eyes and one point and moved them to focus on me! After laughing and crying and talking with her (or near her) I finially said..dad is here mom..he misses you..he wants to sit in my chair so i will leave you two alone for now and see you soon! I put a blanket over her feet because they felt cold..I left but ended up coming back for a minute to say bye one more time..i laid my head on her lap like i used to when I was little and held her hand and just stayed there for awhile.
The next day I arrived at the hospital around noon.. my sister kristina , brother terry and neice,faith, were there. I rememebr faith touching and rubbing grammas legs softly and faiths presence was so grounded and strong..I just love her spirit and am thankful I am in the same family as her!Thank god for terry, my brother. he is a beautiful man, my brother..he took care of and im sure is still taking care of mom and dads business affairs..alot of work. thank god for kristina who let gramma live with her..kristina and keith went above and beyond the call of duty helping mom..I will always be thankful for them!
I really felt grampa in the room that morning. I went near gramma and held her hand and kris and i and terry all rubbed her head and said nice things to her..we told her "all of the kids were here" and "everyone is here, mom" because we were if not physically..in spirit..and we all let her know..its ok to go mom..go have another honeymoon!
Ken and Barb spent soo much time there(my brother and sister in law)..I feel so thankful to be in the same family as ken and barb also..Barb has been like..the strength of the family in soo many ways..we are so blessed to know her and love her. we told mom its ok to go laugh and play and be free! soon enough..your children will be following you one day..so do it now while you can hehe.
I think the turning point and a relaxing time for her..because her bodys energy seemed to change from static to calm in a sense.was when kristina..the baby of the family, touched moms head and said..its ok to go mom..were grown up now..we will be ok here..im sorry it took so long mom...
I feel mom needed to hear her baby say those things and I thought it was so wonderful of kristina to say those unselfish things to mama!
of course, Im betting we would all rather her not go, if she had a chance of being healthy and strong, yet, her brain functions were gone..and she was unable , so it seemed, to open her eyes or close her mouth at all..I felt sorry for her because her mouth was bone dry from being open the way it was..we took turns sponging her mouth and trying to keep it moist..she hated beign thirsty..but the docs said she had no sensation like hunger or thirst. The water IV and food were just bloating her up..like her body was rejecting those things. So it seems..her body was done..it was tired..it had fought the great fight and it was ready to set her free once again to return home to the father!
before we all sat down i put my face right up to her and said we love you mom..do you know we are here? can you let me know..and she opned her eyes! she actually tried to move her mouth up and down to say words and even tho they didnt come out..I know she said "i love you" to all of us..i heard it in my head..somehow she communicated that. then she swallowed! i said wow! good job mom wow..you swallowed! then she swallowed again! Now I know she knew we were there!
After we all said things to her we just sat down and I think i said outloud: wow grampa is here..i can feel it..i see that yellow sparkely light i saw when he crossed over. I also saw a vertical band of light and a rainbow type shape clear whitish light hovering above mom..and i sensed it was her spirit..and sure enough..a few secs later she took her last breath..i felt she was happy and joyful and releived.
I still miss having a mommy to hug :) I felt how much she missed my dad..and i felt the joy when she saw him again..it was and still is very comforting. I am thankful for being able to sense these things.
I stayed a little while longer just to look at her and kiss her because I knew this was the last time I would be able to in the physical sense.
At the ceremony/gathering for her..there was a mixture of peace..releif she was no longer in pain and intense emotions...sadness too..but anytime I felt the urge to cry..I heard my mom say "dont cry nancy! look! were dancing!"
I heard this about 4-5 times during the ceremony and one time it made me chuckle outloud. :)
Thanks mama for teaching me how to love. Thanks for letting me know you and dad are dancing..thank you for the dream i had last night where you came and kissed me all over my face..like i had done for you when you laid in bed.I am so happy ann and charles sensed to get married early so gramma could be there! what a gift for everyone!
I love my life here and still have lots of reasons to be here! Also...I still look forward to the day when I see you and dad again, love always, nancy
mom, excuse th etypos..i have your trait of impatience (that you had sometimes yet were very patient in the most important ways) and don't want to go over the whole thing again :)
privacy
policy
7-10-08 Moms journey home
Well, this is not, really, one of those paticular experinces about following spirits direction, yet, I wanted to share one of the most challenging and emotional experiences in my life. Sometimes, sharing these life altering experinces can offer comfort and inspiration to other moving through a similar experince.
Shirleys journey home The passing of my mama
How thankful I feel that I was able to be with my mom when she left her body and began her sacred journey home!
All of my siblings made the trip possible in one way or another and I will be eternally grateful!
My daughter Nicole and I were able to travel, almost, 3000 miles to be with Mom a few weeks back.
The night before she crossed over I had some time alone with her , in her hospital room. This was precious time I feel so blessed to have. I was able to do and say things to her and somehow..I knew she was aware, even though the doctors stated she was brain dead and was not aware. I felt my father in the room and let her know I did...I rubbed her shoulders and said to her " I know how much you miss dads backrubs so I am going to rub your shoulders...how does that feel mom?" Even though her mouth hung open and her eyes remained shut..she took 2 big deep sighs (twice)and i felt her body relax even more. I did a couple of silly things that I knew would make her laugh..if she could laugh! I had some warm comfort tea which I like to use in a hot tub. it is very soothing to my skin. I gently rubbed a little on her head and arms and told her this special tea had been blessed by the flower fairies..I know she would have loved me saying that because of her love for flower fairies. I gave her a little mowhawk and said : "haha you have a mohawk" ...lol..then i fixed it back..but I know she loved to laugh and just had to do something silly. We enjoyed the silly times we had together.Then I went through times of my life i remember that she had great impacts on me...she taught me how to love and forgive other children that were being mean..I will always remember that. I thanked her for many things. I held her hands and kissed her face and hands all over..I let her know that if any of us could do anything we would..and I was sorry..and we all were..if she was uncomfortable at all..Ann, my neice, showed me, the day before, how to moisten her mouth without making her choke..so i did that., I also cleaned all of the crusties out of her eyes the way she did for me when i was little. I was glad I did that because she opened her eyes and one point and moved them to focus on me! After laughing and crying and talking with her (or near her) I finially said..dad is here mom..he misses you..he wants to sit in my chair so i will leave you two alone for now and see you soon! I put a blanket over her feet because they felt cold..I left but ended up coming back for a minute to say bye one more time..i laid my head on her lap like i used to when I was little and held her hand and just stayed there for awhile.
The next day I arrived at the hospital around noon.. my sister kristina , brother terry and neice,faith, were there. I rememebr faith touching and rubbing grammas legs softly and faiths presence was so grounded and strong..I just love her spirit and am thankful I am in the same family as her!Thank god for terry, my brother. he is a beautiful man, my brother..he took care of and im sure is still taking care of mom and dads business affairs..alot of work. thank god for kristina who let gramma live with her..kristina and keith went above and beyond the call of duty helping mom..I will always be thankful for them!
I really felt grampa in the room that morning. I went near gramma and held her hand and kris and i and terry all rubbed her head and said nice things to her..we told her "all of the kids were here" and "everyone is here, mom" because we were if not physically..in spirit..and we all let her know..its ok to go mom..go have another honeymoon!
Ken and Barb spent soo much time there(my brother and sister in law)..I feel so thankful to be in the same family as ken and barb also..Barb has been like..the strength of the family in soo many ways..we are so blessed to know her and love her. we told mom its ok to go laugh and play and be free! soon enough..your children will be following you one day..so do it now while you can hehe.
I think the turning point and a relaxing time for her..because her bodys energy seemed to change from static to calm in a sense.was when kristina..the baby of the family, touched moms head and said..its ok to go mom..were grown up now..we will be ok here..im sorry it took so long mom...
I feel mom needed to hear her baby say those things and I thought it was so wonderful of kristina to say those unselfish things to mama!
of course, Im betting we would all rather her not go, if she had a chance of being healthy and strong, yet, her brain functions were gone..and she was unable , so it seemed, to open her eyes or close her mouth at all..I felt sorry for her because her mouth was bone dry from being open the way it was..we took turns sponging her mouth and trying to keep it moist..she hated beign thirsty..but the docs said she had no sensation like hunger or thirst. The water IV and food were just bloating her up..like her body was rejecting those things. So it seems..her body was done..it was tired..it had fought the great fight and it was ready to set her free once again to return home to the father!
before we all sat down i put my face right up to her and said we love you mom..do you know we are here? can you let me know..and she opned her eyes! she actually tried to move her mouth up and down to say words and even tho they didnt come out..I know she said "i love you" to all of us..i heard it in my head..somehow she communicated that. then she swallowed! i said wow! good job mom wow..you swallowed! then she swallowed again! Now I know she knew we were there!
After we all said things to her we just sat down and I think i said outloud: wow grampa is here..i can feel it..i see that yellow sparkely light i saw when he crossed over. I also saw a vertical band of light and a rainbow type shape clear whitish light hovering above mom..and i sensed it was her spirit..and sure enough..a few secs later she took her last breath..i felt she was happy and joyful and releived.
I still miss having a mommy to hug :) I felt how much she missed my dad..and i felt the joy when she saw him again..it was and still is very comforting. I am thankful for being able to sense these things.
I stayed a little while longer just to look at her and kiss her because I knew this was the last time I would be able to in the physical sense.
At the ceremony/gathering for her..there was a mixture of peace..releif she was no longer in pain and intense emotions...sadness too..but anytime I felt the urge to cry..I heard my mom say "dont cry nancy! look! were dancing!"
I heard this about 4-5 times during the ceremony and one time it made me chuckle outloud. :)
Thanks mama for teaching me how to love. Thanks for letting me know you and dad are dancing..thank you for the dream i had last night where you came and kissed me all over my face..like i had done for you when you laid in bed.I am so happy ann and charles sensed to get married early so gramma could be there! what a gift for everyone!
I love my life here and still have lots of reasons to be here! Also...I still look forward to the day when I see you and dad again, love always, nancy
mom, excuse th etypos..i have your trait of impatience (that you had sometimes yet were very patient in the most important ways) and don't want to go over the whole thing again :)
privacy
policy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
