Angels on the road

This is a story about how a greiving father and a daughter who missed her own father(me), connected, and how the experience offered comfort and healing to us both. I remember this time in my life as being filled with a sense of freedom and adventure.I was living on a river with some friends, for about a month, with my little dog, Raku(I was told raku meant happiness in japaneese..is it true?), a few changes of clothes and a small pack. I loved sleeping under the stars and waking up early in the morning to the cool crisp fresh mountain air. I loved the feeling of the unknown; looking for stray jobs caretaking animals or gardens in trade for food or a little money, walking miles a day everywhere I felt led to walk and just the all around freedom of no thaving any material attachments or obligations, if I did not want them. I treasure that time in my life, because, it engrained in me a sense of knowing that I could survive with , almost, nothing, or start over from, almost, nothing and be ok with it. This proved to be a handy experience to draw on in my life as I was forced to begin over from nothing, in my latter years, a couple of times, and I drew on this experience to help me through those times.One day while I was walking the 1-2 mile walk in between the two small towns, Garberville and Redway, I noticed a small truck slowing down a bit and looking at me while i walked carrying my little fluffy dog, Raku. I took note of the truck, yet, thought nothing much of it, until, the next day, taking the same walk, I saw the same truck again. This time the man slowed down, even more, and was staring at me. I felt a little uneasy at first, yet, something told me he was safe or he was "ok". A few moments later, the man approached where I was walking from the other direction, so he must have turned around to drive back the other way. Suddenly, I saw him drive slowly up onto the shoulder at a turn off and pull up along side of me. I stopped and looked at his face as he slowly pulled up and saw a kind fo pain in his eyes that moved me and, somehow, I knew he was ok. He asked "I know you may think I am a stranger, and I do not blame you if you don't want to, yet, woudl you like a ride?" I said "umm no thank you, I love to walk, yet, thanks for the offer."He looked down and bit his lip and looked back up with tears in hs eyes and asked"may I please show you a picture of my daughter? I am on my way to donate a scolarship in her name and..God..you look so much like her, I really thought I was seeing things..I really thought..you were an angel. I told my wife I saw our daughter walking down the road a few days in a row and she said I must be seeing things..but you are real.."He told me he wanted to stop becuse he was on his way, a few times, to donate a scolorship in his daughters name, yet, could not bring hisself to do it. After seeing me, he felt he had received a sign, of some kind, from God, that she was offering him the strength to do so. He continued to tell me, his 21 year old daughter, that looked, almost, identical to me, was married 6 months ago and was 3 mos pregnant. When the daughter and new husband were moving down off the mountain her car went off the side off the road and she was killed, instantly. This was such a close loving christian family...so similar to mine. I began crying and said that..I had been concerned or worried, lately, that my father loved me or was proud of me and, somehow, feeling the love for his daughter helped heal me in some way, in that moment. My own father had been going through some difficult issues with his business and I think I was interpreting his sense of defeat as directed towards me at times. Anyways; We both gained something that day; I was offered a job, counceling, at a christian camp for teens. A place had been left open by his daughters absense..I had a deep revelation about how much my father really did love me, after this man assured me of it. He was insipred to , finially, make the trip down south to offer the scholoarship in his daughters name, and I made a new friend. We both cried and hugged (through the car window) and about a month later, I was walking about 3 hours from one small town up into the hills where my sister Dianne lived, with my little puppy, again, and up on a hill to my right i heard "wait!! wait!"
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I looked up and there was this man I had met on the road, about a month before, running down a long driveway. He said "nanci! youve got to come up and meet my wife! Noone believes me..Noone believes I saw you and met you..they think you were a vision!" I saw his wife in the background with her hand cupped up to her eyes , trying to get a focus on me. I said "ok"I walked up the road and his wife reached out an dhugged me as soon as I reached the top..she welcomed me in..told me the story about how the daughter and her husband were going to move onto the property and the husband had begun to build an addition..yet stopped working on it when her death occurred. She said; " after he met you, he was insipred to finish it so it was a blessing". She showed me pictures, on her mantel, of her daughter, and I could clearly see, we could be twins! They continued to stare at me and somehow I wish I could ease the pain in their eyes ..it just fel tas if they were conforted, yet, I was not their little girl. She was a year older than me. When I went to camp to offer my services as a councelor, Nicole (the young girl who had passed away) had a brother , Jason, who attended the camp. He had been depressed and not talking much to anyone, yet, came up to me and attached hisself telling me he felt somehow he was with his sister..so we bonded , also. The whole experince, I feel, is one of those experinces that is arranged by spirit! It was a blessing that we all connected and help eachother to heal and enriched eachothers lives. 15 years later, when I made a phone call to the mother, she told me that my husband and I taking homeless people in had insipred her and that she had used the addition meant for her daughter to take homeless girls in to help them get on their feet. It is amazing what one hello can lead to..when we trust and open our hearts to the merical of spirit! One smile can heal beyond our imagination. It has been 10 years since I have contacted the family and I think i wll make attempts to do so, in the next month. I wonder; is there even more to the story..I will let you know!
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messages from beyond

After my father passed away, I was determined to keep his love and his ways alive and strong in my childrens lives, and in mine too, of course. We shared memories about funny times, joyful times and , even, difficult times and how grampa, gracefully, handled the situations to enhance the best outcome. My hopes were that my children would have a wonderfuul example of their grampa and be able to have thier own stories to tell their children about this wonderful man! He had a soft, loving, kind of grace about him and for a,generally, big man, I always saw him as graceful. I did not realize that until now. There are so many stories about him while he was alive; Like how he told me about the 12 angels he works with and sends to his children when they are in need of different things in their lives. There were, among others; the "Angel of Wisdom", the "Angel of Comfort", the "Angel of Determination", just to name a few. I remember being so touched he shared that with me because; he was not a big talker, yet, when he did say things they seemed of the utmost importance. Anyways, I recalled a story I love to share with people. I do not remember dates, very well, yet, I think it was about 2002, when my son was living in Michigan. (I was in California). I woke up from a short dream and since I seemed to wake up urgently and suddenly, I took a minute to just lay there and ask my self "wow, what was that all about"?After gaining a little focus, I rememebred it was my father, in my dream. I, usually, just see his blue eyes without him saying a word. This time, he said "Call J and ask him to look out the window....he will know why". At that time in the dream he was puffing on a long skinny brown cigar and I smelled that familar smell..yuk!Ok. Now, the thing is; my son was at the age where he gently teased or razzed me about "being psychic" or "hearing things", lol. I already knew he had intuition throughout his life, yet, it wasn't spoken about, directly, so I knew he was kind of unsure and uncomfrtable about it all, and, thats ok! I had to be myself and hope through the insecurity he would always love me, at least, if not accept how I saw things. I had made a strong decision too begin offering readings in 1996, after my father passed away, because, at that time, the senses were so intense and the visions so strong; I knew I was being asked to share them. It was a private world, however. I did not share it as much, with J, when he was little, as I do now with my 2 girls, because I was a full time single parent, working a 9-5 job and life was full of obligation and responsibility to the max. I, also, knew my ex husband might think I was an unfit mother if I shared such notions with his son..so i squelched or buried that part of life for the most part. It had to be that way in order to provide for my boy and keep him safe and cared for (and fed). Anyways; thats a whole other story filled with little stories, lol. Back to the main story. I sat up and thought to myself "oh my gosh, your kidding dad! you want me to call J? I want to keep you alive, to keep you involved in our lives, yet, call J., and ask him to look out the window for a few minutes and he will know why?"This is one of those times I felt tested. What would it be; Put everything, my whole self, into keeping my fathers guidance/love alive and risk my son razzing me or thinking I am crazy..(or tell my ex who undoubtedly already felt I was..well..something other than normal)or perhpas, I could let this one slide and wait for an easier task! ha! I have learned the best results come from leaping in with all my heart and soul! If i feel fear..it is not fear..it is just intense adrenaline because I am pondering doing something that is risky. It was a challenge and I LOVE those kinds of challenges; ones that come from the spirit world and offer inspiration to myself and others. I won't lie, however. I made some coffee, and checked my e-mail..building up enough nerve to outweigh the extreme adrenaline of calling my son out of the blue and telling him his grampa....well, you already know. So I made the call at about 7:30 in the morning. I am glad teenagers sleep in late, because J being in bed ads to how this experience played out.I called with my heart pounding and telling myself to remember; this was about J and grampa; not me, this was about J and grampa; not me. Gawd! I can be so dramatic at times, yet, it makes for good stories :)After lots of rings, a groggy J answered J: "hello?"me: "Um..hi J! it is ma..how are you?" J: "tired moooom! it's early, what do you want?"I thought "ok..it it's ok..hes cranky no big deal..he loves you just say it".I said something like " Well, I am tired too and I want to go back to bed so let me tell you something really quick. You might think I am crazy , yet, I don't care..grampa's words will not let me go back to sleep until I say something so let me say it, to you, so I can go back to bed too!"J: "Grampa? Grampa said something? to me? How..in a dream?"Then a softness came over him ; I could hear it in his voice. Everyone had a softness in ther heart for Grampa. I asked "is there a window near you?" I knew he lived in an old farmhouse and had never seen it so I hoped the window was close to his bed so he could easily look out it without standing. He said; "A window? come on maaaa."I said;"ok I am just going to say it and go back to bed, J. Grampa came to me in a dream that felt so real. He never talks in dreams, yet, he was smoking a long cigar thing and said to have you look out a window and you will know why".Right at that instant, I remembered that Jason was questioning many things in his life..what was important..was grampa still around..he had some heavy things going on in his life.J: "ok ma..I will do it and call you later."me: "but..is there a window near your bed, though?"J: "Yea MA"me: "can you see out of it though?"J: "No, ma, there's shades".me: "well you have to open the shades because grampa said look OUT the window, not at the shades".J: "MA!! come on..Ok I pulled up the shades"me: (releived my part was over) "Ok good! thanks j! Sorry to bother you honey..so..talk to you soon.. i guess".J: "ok ma, bye, I love you".me: "I love you too."
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I wanted to go back to bed, yet, my adrenlaine was too high from it all, so I did other things and wondered if he would call or if I had made a mistake. But gosh..dad never spoke tome in a dream before..to me it was a big deal!These kinds of things are what make me feel alive and full of purpose, somehow..maybe because it helps to inspire and keep loved ones connected? I, still, am not sure. Maybe I am misunderstood, yet, at least; I feel alive! I feel it is part of my purpose and we all have a right to that so I am being true to mine!About 15 minutes later J called back.J: "MA! ok you won't believe this".me: "what..yes I will just tell me.?"I had NO idea what to expect..maybe he saw a blimp fly by with a message.. lol..maybe a white bird landed on his window? So he proceeded to tell me he did not get out of bed. He sat up reached up and pulled the shades up and sat there for a bit..he saw nothing. Maybe grampa just wanted J to know he was there with him..or wanted J to take some time out to remember him or think about him.Anyways; J told me after he sat there for a bit and he saw nothing out the window..he smelled smoke and thought it was wierd so he turned his head and sitting perfectly on his shoulder was a line of ashes ..as if they had just been flicked off of one of those long skinny cigar things..he looked at it and brushed it off and it smeared on his shirt..I think that woke him up because he had excitement in his voice telling me the story. I will never forget the excitement and how he called me back and told me the whole story and how it doesn't make sense because where would perfect line of ashes come from when alls he did was sit up in bed? We wondered why gramap would do that and came to the conclusion he wanted to let jason know he was still with him and he could count on grampa to send his angels, too!
Years later my husband told me when J was asked about it..J said..he made it up..J said.. "it couldn't have happend..he did not want to talk about it."I feel I know better..I believe it happend. One day I will ask J again and see if he wants to talk about it..what do you think?
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Praise the lord! A nice warm place to sleep

On one of my sister and I Diannes road trips, I can recall lots of little mericals that taught me at a young age (about 17) about the power of manifestation. We had driven a "drive-a-way-car" from detroit to oregon and after dropping the car off to its owners and we were paid for delivering it we backpacked on to california. A couple of the simple things that happened were my sister, Dianne, after I said i needed some shorts and a cool top for the 110 degrees we were experincing..told me to just ask for it..and it would come. I wanted to believe her, yet, felt kind of silly asking outloud. Those kinds of things embarrass me or i feel shy about stating what I need or feel i need. She said "just do it nancy..it works..you are close to spirit it will listen!" (it went something like that)
So..I said it outloud..(I was, actually, very uncomfortable dragging my heavy suticase why didnt I use a backpack..inexperince I guess)"spirit, please if you can..I could use some shorts and a top and a backpack". About an hour and a half passed and we were going to walk up a hill to find a place to sleep at a campgropund when i saw a blue and white striped something laying in the road. I stopped for a min..I said to my sister.."look..what is that?" She said something jokingly (or maybe not) "I'll bet thats what you asked spirit for" I kind of smiled and set my suitcase down ( I was backpacking with a suitcase!) and walk d over..It was a backpack! I looked around and there was noone on this road in front or behind us. I looked at Dianne and she just looked at me like "well..open it"
It was a backpack with a pair of jean shorts and a AC DC tee shirt..that both fit! I found a restroom..changed..stuffed what I could into it..and left my suitcase and some other belongings for th enext person who might need or ask for them!
The one experince, tho, that really made a huge impression on me was the day before, when we atill had not dropped off the car yet to its owners. It was a litte 280zx..oh i just thought of another story Ill have to write next..Ok so we were driving an dit was about midnight and we were tired. We had a few dollars we got from a sherriff who almost arrested us th eday before for tresspassing on property that was said to be haunted..but thats another story too. it's neat how all these memories are flodding in..I wish my hands could keep up with my thoughts. So Dianne is Driving and we were whinign about how tired we were and had no money for a motel..what shoudl we do? Dianne suggested somethign liek this " Ok nancy..I know..how about you tell me where to drive..use your abilities..follow your feelings..I totally trust you!" I shyly an dinsecurely said somethign like " Nooo..thats silly..I can't do that..I dotn want to waste th egas drivign all around." Dianne said somethign like "come on nancy! Im tired..you know you can do it..just do it..tell me where to drive!"
If it was not for Dianne..I think I never would have learned to trust my feelings liek this..I just love her. But thats another story. So I said "Ok..umm..go straight..keep going straight." So she did.
I looked at the gas gauge and we had about 1/4 a tank ...i wanted to trust my feelings without lettign worry ge tin the way abotu th egas runnign out..soon we approached another exit and somethign told me to "go there" so i said it out loud "Go there"
So she went there. When we got to the top of the totally dark pitch dark exit I said "turn left" I flicke don this tiny light inside the car but i learned it mde it harder to see outside.
There was nothing visable there..I could see in her eyes a kind of "are you sure?" But she trusted me so she did it. I think w emade one more right and we wer eon this dark street about qa block long..with dark store fronts..no markings on most of th ebuildings..it was like..another ghost town.
There was one building when i squinted it looked a sif paintings were on the outside..it was colorful..it felt good so i said, intuitively "THERE"
She said "THERE?"
I said "YES"
We kind of giggled, maybe from nervousness or being over tired or just the fun of trying this out..we walked up and we KNOCKED! WE knocked on a dark door on a dark street in a town I don't remember..but she(Dianne) believed in me so I believed in myself so we knocked. Suddenly the light came on above the door..my heart pounded..this was crazy oh my gosh! A lady peeked out the door..we said something like.."were traveling and have no place to sleep and we felt spirit led us here..so sorry..but..."
And she said "PRAISE THE LORD"
It was a christian half way house or temp shelter for homeless! There was no sign or indication of this on the building..yet we followed our hearts..We were welcomed in..she read things from the bible..and we got to sleep in a bunkbed ina room with a girl who was afraid of the dark so the lights were left on all night..but it was a bed..and jesus helped us and it was warm and..it was a merical..i think! I love these things..I can't wait to write more. Thanks for reading.



Next Giovanni a..free wine and bread..or maybe..how spirit led me up an unmarked road to a sacred indian burial site..I am off to bed..nite

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Parents Love

continued: California/The Ghost at the Brass Rail Inn
We woke up the next morning to a nice suprise; My friends little white dog had delivered her puppies inside of a fallen redwood tree..we could not see the puppies yet could hear them. It would be a few weeks before they wandered out into the open to explore their new world. I began my mile walk to work in such a happy state of being. New life and new beginnings were on my mind.When I arrived at work to waitress , that morning, i greeted all of the other laides in the kitchen and we began our daily routine and preparing for a busy lunch hour. About 2 and a half hours into my shift, I had totally forgotten about the "vision" I had the day before, and about my visitor and his message to me. Usually, i had spirits or angel type beings offer me these insights so I thought it was a little different that I felt that message come form what Id'e call a ghost or spirit! It made me question the validity, a bit, so I just kept the message in mind and figured if spirit ended up leading me or encouraging me to walk up to a certain couple..then I would. Another waitress, was going in break and had asked me to take her tables while she had a quick 15 minute break. We were not busy at all that day, so I agreed and told her i would still give her the tip.I left the kitchen to walk out into the dining/ bar area and noticed a couple sat in the small table near the window. I went back to get them water and menus and when I returned they were leaning in towards eachother and holding hands while they talked. I thought..ok..maybe this is the couple..yet I will wait for more guidance or see how things feel in a few more miunutes. I wanted to be really sure this might be the couple I had heard about the day before. After all..it was a taking a chance approaching customers saying such things and what if they told my boss i was crazy ..all kinds of thoughts went thru my head, yet, all in all, any time I felt spirit was directing or encouraging me to offer insight or words of comfort..I ended up nto being able to ignore it and letting spirit move thru me while trusting the outcome woudl be worth it all! Sometimes, when these things began unfolding, I wished I could be more like others and just go about my day without these nudges that constantly challenged my safe illusion/reality.





I walked up to the table and the couple contunied to hold hands as they looked up at me as I approached. It looked as if they were holding onto each others hands for dear life. I sensed the trauma/worry/emotions surrounding them. I can drag this on and explain how I waited until they ordered desert and all of the other little things i noticed and felt, yet, I wont. Finially, when the other waitress delayed coming back from her break by taking a phone call from her husband..I realized I would be seeing this couple until the end of their visit and I felt spirit was encouraging me to say something to them. As i write this..I realize hwo strange all this seems and wonder how many people will judge me or think i am odd, yet, oh well! I am who I am and true to myself, at least! I decided to just break the ice a bit and say something from my heart. I walked up and said.." you can see how much you two love eachother, that is always so nice to see..I just thought i would share that..it reminds me of the love my parents have for eachother" and I smiled and aksed them if theyd'e like more coffee.





The woman said something like "It is nice to hear a young person noticing that..I wish my daughter would" as she looked at the man she was with and then put her head down. It was just at that moment I really knew this was the couple I had heard about the day before. I just smiled and my adrenaline began pumping..I guess some people would call it fear, yet, I think it is more adrenalin OR excitment because you know you are geting close to doing something that was a litle risky or uncomfortable..tyet that was a challenge for me ..i liked challenge..especially when it came to challenging my own relationship with spirit..or strengthening it! Maybe honoring it is the word.When i walked up to the table a few minutes later I took a deep breath and said something like.."you meantioned a daughter? well..I am sorry for just coming out and saying this in this way, yet, I pray alot, and,. last night, after praying about somethign I had experienced, I felt I would meet a couple who was experiencing turmoil or pain regarding a decision they had to make surrounding their daughter..I felt I was being led to encourage them that..they were doing the right thing..they had chosen unconditional love ..and their daughter would make it through this..another 4 months and the family would be in tact. They looked at me wide eyed and I did not know whether to expect them to say "how dare you" or "who are you to say this to us?"...
Well thank you spirit..I say becauset hey both took turns explaining that their daughter had ran away, gotten into drugs..and dissapeared for some time, yet, they located her and since this was the third time it had happend the had decided to put her in a special treatment program down south..because they feared she would only spiral downward if they hadn't. It just made them feel good to hear that spirit had felt their need to know if what they did was "right" or "ok". Abotu 6 mos later..they left me a note thanking me for offering them , or allowing spirt to offer them a little hope during their time of pain..they didn't know my name but wrote "to the sweet waitress with green eyes and long brown hair"..I was the only one with long brown hair. My life seems so meaningless without reaching out to others..I feel that is why I am here.

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River Spirit

Remember that river I camped out on, in Northern California? Well, I ended up marrying a wonderful guy and we opened a little homeless shelter within the small cabin he had agreed to caretake, along the river. It was, for me, a faireytale setting; A little walk back to a secret waterfall where we would sit and talk for hours and sip a bit of wine. We would climb down to the cool fresh water when it became hot and then lay in the sun with the redwood trees towering along the shore. He built a tiny church by hand as I watched in amazement. His creative energy and vision amazes me and impresses me, till this day. Word got around town that there was a young couple who lived in a cabin on the river whom took in homless or people wandering through town into their space. We had backpackers from france, germany and many other places stop in for a day or two to take a shower..sing around the bon fires, swim and just take a break from the road. We had others who pulled up a trailer, whole families, and parked and lived for months at a time. We had a few people who stayed on for months in tents. We had a few sufferign from emotional illness one in paticular named Mary who in a scitsofrenic episode, tied all of our doors an dwindows shuit form inside, afraid we were her enemies..that is a whole other story. We asked nothing in return. We were young, the only two working, had taken guardianship of two young children 11 and 14 because the parents were divorcing, and somehow, managed to feed everyone and keep up with the utility costs. It was a merical in itself! Maybe in our own little way we were out to change the world.





There are so many wonderful stories I could tell that unfolded during this time, yet, I will stick to a simple one that came about at the restaraunt-hotel i was employed by a mile up the road. The Brass rail Inn was an older home made into a restaraunt/bar/motel. I worked in all areas of the place, yet, some of my most interestign experinces happned when I was alone in the bar area, after hours, all by myself. (latrer after revealing my experinces I found out that there was a "ghost" they called sam who would move things around and pull little pranks and was harmless but noone told me this until months later! Since my husband was a minister they thought I would think such talk about ghosts and such was evil so noone bothered to tell me..if only they knew the truth)I am used to seeing and hearign things, by now, as it has happend as young as I can remember! One night, in paticular, I had been asked to set the party room up for a gathering the next day which involved vacuuming, setting out new table cloths and silverware and just making it look neat and clean for the city council meeting. I went into the back closet and drug out the old kirby vac..and began my duties. I began vacumming. I hate when this happens, you plug the thing in and there is not enough line to reach nor a plug nearby so you have to continue to walk back over an plug the vacuum in again over and over. The strange thing was there was plenty of line, the cord was not heavy, the plug was in tight and I could find no reason why the cord would become unplugged and laid neatly a few feet AWAY from the wall socket. it takes alot to make me mad or impatient..so I finally, after replugging the thing in more than 15 times decided nevermind with this!.i will just sweep the rug! I unplugged the vac as i pulled the plug out a little mad with some force and said forget you..ill just do it the hard way. As soon as I did this and walked away from the bar and over to the area to sweep..the vacumme shut on and off three times AND IT WAS NOT PLUGGED IN!!! I kid you not..I kid you not!






Just at that moment, it occured to me that one of these excperiences was unfolding again. I sat down and thought oh man..again? And just breathed and knew I had to prepare for some sort of energy exchange or experience..I could feel it happening. So i got up and just stood and stared at the bar area where the vacumme was sitting unplugged. Suddenly I saw a figure of a man. He struck me as being..irish..with a top hat and not a long coat..just about above his thighs. He had abeard and his energy was actually..pleasant..kind..playful. I instinctively said "so..ok..WHAT?..what is it?" It seemd he faded in and out..sometimes he was just this bright light and then it would kind of meld into a figure of this man..in my minds eye. I asked again "what is it, can I do something for you?" I did not exactly hear words. I sensed what he was saying and it was something like this: "A middle aged couple will come in tomorrow and sit by the window away from others..they will be holding hands and look a bit stressed. They are worried about their daughter who has gotten into drugs and in with the wrong crowd. They need to hear that they made the right decision...and that unconditional love will pull their daughter through on this one'"Here it was again..that familiar..oh boy..ok..another task..as soon as i acknowledged this man and what he said..I somehow know the vacuume would give me no more troubles and I could continue my work. I plugged it back in..looked around..everything seemed pretty back to normal..I finished my work and walked home reflecting on how this would unfold and the part I would play the next day.( I will finish this tonight or tomorrow 7-15-2008) I have free readings today and want to get things ready.
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Nebraska/The Angel in the discount store

I am posting this before i proofread it and fix the typos..it is just my way..get the message out before i forget it and fix it later :)
This was a time in my life when I was walking through my own drama, as, my first husband had said in so many words he saw me , only, as a friend and felt I was a sister, more than anything else. This was a day that led to one of the hardest walks of my life; stuggling to raise a little guy and maintain my sanity and peace of mind while being a stable parent. I had left the married dorms, quickly, driving around crying and did not notice i had been speeding down this lonely road of endless corfields. As I looked through my rear view mirror I saw the flashing lights that brought me back into reality and suddenly found myself face to face with the highway patroll. I rolled down the window and was embarrassed as the tears rolled down my face as I was just handed the emotional blow of a lifetime. I explained I knew I was speeding, now, and just simply had not been paying attention as my husband just delivered the news he was no longer : "in love with me".
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The officer was kind enough to tell me to go on my way and just slow down, that he had experienced something similar in his life. What a blessing that was! I look for the blessings, even, through the hardest times. I feel this is one key to maintaining a flow of good energy in ones life when we need it the most. I decided to drive back towards town and just walk around, somewhere, until i calmed down..I put my sunglassses on to hide my red eyes and turned around to drive back towards the tiny town in Nebraska. My thoughts shot to my husband..I really had thought this man was it; He is the most perfect wonderful man ..ministered in a little church in northern california where we had opened our little place to the homeless...I never thought he would not see us as family..I never thought my life would be without him..I was stunned and shocked and, again, my life had changed forever. As I wandered down the tiny outside mall I suddenly heard a voice "see the angel in dollar shop". I thought to myself..Oh boy, not again, not now, please.. Then I heard it again "see the angel in the dollar shop". Ok..here it was..I was going thu the most horrible time in my life. I was numb.. i felt lost, and spirit was asking me to go look for an angel in the dollar shop. Was I losing my mind? ahhh!I slowly proceeded to walk down the block looking for something similar to a dollar shop and found it. I saw the back of a woman facing the window as she stood behind the counter. I looked back to scan all of the shops down the row to make sure this one fit the description and i concluded the "family dollar store" was the one I was being asked to walk into. I had no idea what I was supposed to do when I went inside, so I just walked around the store for about 30 minutes..up an down the aisles..waiting to fully understand why I had been led there. Once every few minutes I looked up at the woman who was behind the counter. She never lifted her head. She seemed to be looking down at something in a journal or book, ad totally emmersed in it. From what I could see and sense she looked and felt sad. After a few times of wanting to leave, yet, feeling I had to stay..I looked up at her again and saw a beautiful light behind her. It was not coming from outside as it was a cloudly overcast day. I sighed as I began thinking of my husband and how i saw those very things around him at one time and began to be sucked into my emotonal trumoil when somethign said again "see the angel at the dollar shop". I just wanted to be left alone..I wanted to be angry..scared..lost..I wanted to run and hide and here I was being nudged by spirit to reach out to someone else..what timing. There must be a reason for it. Suddenlly as i resolved to making this a mission for spirit..I heard.. 'Please tell her i am with her..tell her I am her angel..tell mom I love her and not to be sad..please" I looked around the whole store. There was noone..the store was empty, every person had left besides the sad looking woman behind the counter. So now, at least, I know who I was supposed to deliver a message to. Now another 20 minutes working up the energy and courage.



Finially I took my 3 items up to the counter. Bubbles for my son, some crayons and some socks. I began taking them out of the hadnheld basket slowly and suddenly a made a big sigh and looked up to force a smile at the sad lady. Our eyes met. There we both stood with red, wet eyes, both made a big sigh..both looked as if we had been through battle somehow, emotonally. I said "Hi" in my soft voice as I looked into her eyes. She said "hi, how is your day so far" . I said.."well..ok..it's ok..I just..umm..I know this sounds strange, yet, I have to tell you something about a little angel i saw..a little angel i heard was here in this store." Her eyes opened wide and I expected her to say.."your'e crazy..please leave" After all, this was a very small straight laced town..the people seemed tight, and maybe a bit on the conservitive side, as compared to some of the other places I lived around the states. She said "really..please..please do tell me!" I was a little shocked at her acceptance or receptiveness of what I just delivered..I had not expected such an open invitation. I looked around and the store was still empty..Ok i took a deep breath and said something like this: " Well..I was driving around and crying because my husband just told me he no longer loved me and the police stopped me and I had a vision and heard there was an angel in this shop and I was supposed ot come tell you". Before I went on I looked at her as i bit my lip..almost for approval to go on.. She said.."please what else?".. I went on to say something like " Well..gosh this is hard..I don't want you to think i am crazy, yet, I heard a young girl tell me to tell you that she is your angel..she is with you..she loves you..she is here now..I see her behind you...she said tell my mom not to be sad..to keep writing..I love her and I am always with her." I put my head down not knowing how she would respond as she fiddled with a journal she had on the counter. Suddenly she said "you are my angel!" I looked up and said..well..I feel there is an angel with you..but..Then she just began pouring out a story about How her and her twin daughters had gotten a flat tire on a highway, not far from here, and pulled over on a bridge.




They had gotten out to look at the damage . As her and her twin 17 year old ( or there abouts) daughters walked to the front of the car as semi truck came out of nowhere..and hit the car..One of the twin girls was taken along withthe car and killed instanly as he rmom and sister watched in horror. This had happened about 8 mos earlier and ths poor woman was just drowning in greif..she did nto want to go on..she felt it wa her fault..she should have never gotten out fo the car..or had her daughters do so..I heard just that instant and said it out loud to her " No mom..if we would have stayed in teh car we would have all been killed". It shocked me when it came out of my mouth and suddenly I saw the reaction of the woman in front of me..her face relaxed..she began crying..I began crying..she came around the counter and we hugged..and cried..and thanked eachother...for listening..for talking..for..whatever..She told me she had been reading her daughters journal and had been praying for an angel to come give her a sign that her daughter was with her.. That day..in all my pain and personal tragedy, I was someones angel! I was someones angel... She thanked me. We hugged again, blessed eachother and i quickly got into my car and drove away. Even though the next few years would be the hardest years of my life..and I knew that somehow..I also knew, that my life still had a purpose..not only to be the best mommy I could be and to appreciate every moment with my son, yet, to always listen to spirit..in time of tragedy..in times of lost hope..in times of being on the verge of a nervous breakdown..spirit is alive and always offering opprtunities for us to be..someones angel. What gift. I think I will make it after all.
Coming soon: California/The Ghost at the Brass Rail Inn

6-12-08 California/Angels in the redwoods
I wish my thoughts were organized enough to present these stories in an organized manner, beginnning from those experienced at a young age, until the present. At this moment, in my life, it works well to just share the memories one by one as they come to me, in no specific order.
This is a time in my life, when I was living on a river in Northern California as part of a summer backpacking adventure. The year was 1981. My only belongings were a small pack, 2 changes of clothes and a sleeping bag. Most of my meals consisted of berries, apples and plums I picked locally. I, also, exchanged work in garden for fresh eggs and strawberries and I and my compainions would cook them over the fire. It was a magical time in my life, living day to day, simply being in the moment and , really, listening to spirit and making the simplest decisions regarding where to sleep or where to walk by what I felt spirit was saying to me.
One hot summer day while some companions and I were climbing and jumping off of cliffs along the river something caught my eye. I looked up and saw a young man in all white walking down the hill across the river with 5 white dogs following behind him. It was a sight to behold a beautiful vision, I thought.
We ended up talking and becoming friends. Over the weeks he invited my freinds and I a place to stay at his cabin up the hill. The cabin was built in the 1920's and was surrounded by towering redwoods. It was truely one of the most magical places I had ever experienced. Somehow, I knew that from the beginning of my trip listening to spirit, each step along the way,had led me to this magical place.


A few days after we had been invited to camp on my new freinds property, I was standing out under one of the most magificant redwood trees which had a tree house built into it and as I was looking up wondering if Iwould take a chance at climbing the makeshift ladder, I suddenly saw 3 white glowing beings! I was shocked at first yet the light moved through me and about me in a way that made me feel as if i was floating a few feet off of the ground! In just an instant, I rememebred these were the very beings I would "talk" with as achild and even rememebred them being with me as i laid in my crib at 2 years old, or even younger! I immediately, recognized them as my spirit family, or my guides, as I like to call them now. I received this message; "tell your new friend he made the right choice, tell him we see he has struggled with trying to bring both worlds together and as they clashed, he made the right choice regarding his chosen path and he will be blessed because of this". As suddenly as I was engulfed in light and softness..i was back on the dirt, barefeet on the ground and the shaded darkness of the forest surrounded me. Was this a test? I had never been asked to approach anyone and deliver a message, in this way. I had never received such information to deliver or share with another person; the messages had always pertained to decisions I was making in my own life. What do I do with this information? I had not known this person for more than a few days..would he think Iwas crazy? Was Icrazy? Would he say how dare I assume he would even consider accepting such a message ? I felt a sense of anxiety and what I felt was fear, yet, something wispered to me"this is not fear it is adrenaline because you KNOW this is a little pecie of truth and you have been asked to share it and to trust us..to trust your connection with us." I did not realize that once I trusted my guides and offered this information to my freind, that it opened the door to this becoming a constant experience in my life. I believe spirit works in this way that, once we acknowlwdge we trust and believe our connection, we open the door to allowing ourselves to be used as tools or vessels to deliver messages, light, love..

I slowly walked up the stairs to the cabin each step delayed..hesitating with each movement, almost, as if i was carrying spirit within me and wanted to walk gently and carefully as I carried this light, or package of energy..energy and message within me to share with my freind. So i did. I walked in and said, firstly, "I am sorry, I know this may seem strange and you may think I am crazy, yet, i feel i HAVE to share with you something I heard from my guides/angels and then I will leave, and never come back if you like, yet, I have to say these things". So I told him exactly what spirit had said to me. He became tearful and said it was exactly what he needed to hear. He had been participating in a certian lifestyle that he just had decided to leave behind and turn his life over to Jesus and was looking for confirmation just in that moment when I walked in the door. And so it began! I was learning to listen, once again, as I did as a child, and my life, and in that moment , my life was transformed and would never be the same!

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